In 2018, the Oxford Dictionary called the adjective “toxic” with the word of the year — the number of page views of articles interpreted by the word increased by 45%. Among the most used phrases were named not only “toxic substances”, but also “toxic relationships” or “toxic atmosphere” – an unbearable workplace environment that undermines the mental health of employees. The topic of toxic relationships is with colleagues, a partner, parents, etc. – hardly lost its relevance today. What does a toxic relationship mean? Our paper editing service online essay editing services headed by essay editor Melisa claim that there are chemicals that negatively affect the body, causing disruptions in its work or various diseases. The effect of contact with toxins can occur in the first minute or after weeks, months, and even years.
The relationship, reminiscent of the effects of toxic chemicals, received the same name – toxic. Any person can exhibit poisonous properties, so toxic relationships can occur in various types of interactions – partner, parent, friendly, or professional. Signs of a toxic relationship “He is a good man,” you think, trying to understand why you are not enjoying communication. The main sign that you have fallen into a toxic relationship is an ongoing feeling of tension, fatigue, or discontent from seemingly conflict-free situations or conversations.
Other indicators of toxic relationships:
- Self-esteem undermined. If you begin to doubt yourself after any innocent joke addressed to you, then the problem lies with you. However, if the replicas of just one person make you feel worse, think about it. Perhaps your best friend has long been turning your relationship into a chemical attack ground.
- Irritation. You talk about your dreams and plans, and in return, you hear criticism and laughter. Lack of support will sooner or later cause your dissatisfaction – a signal that a completely different feeling has replaced the harmony in the relationship.
- Fine-tuning. When the plans of another person all the time become decisive, and your opinion is not taken into account at all, there is a sign of toxic behavior. In an equal relationship, the opinions and desires of partners are always taken into account and weigh exactly the same.
Types of toxic relationships
Psychology does not divide toxic relationships into certain types. Moreover, this term can not even be called strictly scientific. Rather, it refers to popular culture. One of the most common classifications of destructive relations is based on the types of behavior of a “poisonous” person.
An addict is a narcotist or addicted. It does not matter what he feels an irresistible craving for alcohol, food, work, gambling, or even the relationship itself. The connection with the addict exhausts all participants and often turns their lives into a struggle for peace and happiness.
People prone to emotional or physical abuse. Abusers can behave openly, show sincere care and participation, but their main goal is to subjugate the personality of another person, and assert themselves at his expense. Vivid examples of abusers shown in the cinema are the films “Sleeping with the enemy”, “Falling Down”, “I Tonya”, “Gone Girl” and “Killing me gently”.
Each of us complains about life from time to time, but there are those who have turned their praises of discontent into the goal of life. Do not hesitate, people who tell you how bad everyone else will one day bear the blame you.
“He is such a child” – a phrase with two semantic nuances. Rejoice at your appearance as a child or behave as if everyone around you must show love and understanding? Kidults impede any qualitative development of relations because then they will have to grow up.
Everyone feels the need for love, but private people hide it so well that others easily confuse their coldness with indifference. Relations with a person who receives emotional warmth, but does not give it away – at least one-sided and consumer.
The handsome out of Greek myths died, admiring his reflection in the water. In real life, such a “death” is doomed to any relationship that narcissist builds, because they are completely not interested in the interests of other people.
Is it right to strive for the ideal? Definitely yes. Should meticulously achieve it in everything? Definitely not. People who at all costs want to build a perfect world will inevitably begin to point out the rest of their shortcomings, it does not matter whether they asked them to or not.
Test: are you in a toxic relationship?
How to determine whether the relationship is toxic or are you taking things lightly? Here is a test of 8 simple questions that need to be answered unambiguously: “yes” or “no”.
- Do you often experience moral exhaustion after prolonged communication with this person?
- Are you afraid to be alone if this person doesn’t have a relationship?
- Do you often make excuses for a person and try to explain why you did this and not otherwise?
- Is it easier for you to give in than to provoke a conflict?
- Do you not want to share your dreams and plans for the future oftentimes, because you are afraid of condemnation and negative reaction?
- Can you take all the blame for the quarrel that happened, only to make peace sooner, and not because you really think that you did wrong?
- Does it happen that you do what you do not want to not provoke a scandal?
- Does it seem to you that your personal space is not respected?
One positive answer is already a wake-up call: it is worth considering whether your relationship with this person really harmoniously develops? If there are two or more positive answers, the conclusion is obvious: you are in a toxic relationship, it’s time to change something.
A toxic relationship with husband
The husband may not behave aggressively in toxic relationships, but his actions will be aimed at self-affirmation at the expense of his wife. How is it shown? He clearly separates responsibilities for women and men. Both partners work, but the wife is obliged to housekeeping, because “this is not a man’s business – to wash the dishes and dust.
He can make fun of her likes and hobbies, criticize her appearance and choice of clothes. If something goes wrong, it is only her fault, and her husband is an unhappy and patient victim of circumstances. If the spouse has not set a day, he can spend hours expressing his dissatisfaction with his wife, without even asking, how was the day.
A toxic relationship with a wife
If a wife behaves toxic in a couple, this is often manifested through criticism. The spouse’s work, his salary, his attitude to children – everywhere he does not reach anywhere and “destroys marriage”. In such relationships, the phrases “you must”, “these are your problems”, “why you cannot just …”, etc. often sound.
When a woman behaves like an Amazon who categorically decides everything, this is also a manifestation of toxicity. Through tough behavior, it infringes on the interests of her husband and shows disrespect and distrust of his ability to solve difficult situations.
Toxic relationships with parents
The hardest thing to point out is the toxic behavior of the parents because all their actions seem to be dictated by sincere love and care for the beloved child (even if he or she is already over 40). When mom and dad allow themselves categorical comments about all aspects of your life – home, partner, hobby, profession – do not hesitate: toxicity has successfully replaced love.
Destructive relationships with parents are also manifested through the manipulation of their roles (“I am your mother”, “I am a father, I know better”) or appeal to a sense of duty (“we have done so much for you”). In toxic relationships, parents often blame the child for insufficient attention or complain about a life that could be better if he tried a little.
A toxic relationship with a girlfriend
A friend in a toxic relationship does not respect your personal space at all. Calling in the middle of the night, arriving without warning, making appointments only at a convenient time for herself – its typical manifestations.
She talks only about her problems, allows herself unflattering remarks about your life, and good-naturally laughs at your actions. It does not support other people’s undertakings and will bring down a flurry of criticism and mistrust if you decide to take radical steps, for example, move, change jobs or go in for martial arts.
A toxic relationship with a friend
A toxic friend can give advice for no reason, believing that he “understands something in this life”, so you must follow all his advice. Discusses and evaluates each of your choices, adding the permanent “here I would have done.” He considers himself the leading party in your friendship and can take it lightly, childishly noting your comments or discontent. You often play for him the role of a spectator, listener or permanent creditor, which is completely optional to return the money.
Toxic relationships at work
The striking features of the toxic atmosphere at work are ignoring requests, annoying remarks, and ridicule. Colleagues or the boss allow themselves cruel jokes, dismiss in response to requests, and harshly criticize any misses. In toxic relationships, there is no place for respect at work, and a comfortable and relaxed atmosphere is seen only in dreams.
Toxic family relations
If the responsibilities in the family are not clearly and fairly distributed, toxic situations will inevitably arise. Relatives can raise their voices, reproach, and blame each other, fanning conflicts for any reason. In toxic family relationships, the fate of children is clearly defined, so any deviation from a given trajectory is perceived with hostility. Another possible variation is coldness and detachment, lack of emotional involvement in relationships, and arrogance.
How to get out of a toxic relationship
So, you understand that you are in a destructive relationship. The first step has been taken. But how to correctly and accurately stop toxic communication? If the person does not belong to your close circle (partner, parents, children), keep contacts to a minimum. This is a simple and effective way: you do not need to sort things out, enter into conflict and incur even greater negativity. Perhaps your absence will go unnoticed. When it comes to a partner, act decisively, and radically. If your deliberate attempts to change relationships do not meet with a response – conversations do not help, the behavior of a toxic person does not change or he denies the fact of his presence – saves your life from “toxic chemicals”. Stop communication, translate it into a dry format of conversations in essence.
When it is necessary to stop the toxic behavior of parents, reduce the time that you usually spend together, and maintain an emotional distance. If you cannot influence the behavior of relatives, change your attitude. Be calm and friendly, and the toxic behavior of family members will no longer destroy your psyche. How to survive a toxic relationship If you are already out of a toxic relationship, but you can’t forget it, periodically re-scrolling and reliving events, analyze your memories well.
Take care of yourself, devote more time to your interests, feel the freedom and ease of life, in which there is no neglect of you, and constant tension. Allow yourself bold dreams, try what you have wanted for a long time, and after a short time, you realize that you no longer need to communicate with toxic people.
How to avoid a toxic relationship
If your friend, partner, or parent begins to behave toxically, the best way to avoid discomfort is to honestly point out this to him and admit that you don’t like this behavior.
In new relationships that can potentially develop into toxic ones, do not rush to open up and let people into your life. Clearly outline the boundaries of personal space and identify priorities, behave respectfully, but firmly uphold your interests. Stay away from unpleasant situations emotionally: this way you will solve them easier and faster.
Each person at one time or another behaves toxic: we are not perfect, and we can not always track the destructive features. Does this mean that a toxic relationship is doomed to failure? If both of you are interested in continuing communication and are ready to work on yourself, they can easily be turned into a harmonious channel. When a partner or friend is deaf to your attempts to normalize relations, think about whether you should spend your time and worries on them? Focus on your inner sensations, and the answer will come by itself.